The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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