So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
