every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
