Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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