I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
