wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Randomize
