after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
