also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
