I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
