why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
