i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
