Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
