i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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