Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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