I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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