My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
