Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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