i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
