Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
