I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
