i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
