Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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