They should really pass out barf bags in church
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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