Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
