I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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