you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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