come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
