watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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