I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
