i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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