Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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