She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
