My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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