At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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