Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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