he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
