He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
