So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
