I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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