I'm so fucking centered right now
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize