Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
