where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
