after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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