i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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