i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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