is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
