If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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