Ambien. No doubt about it.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
