Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize