I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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