she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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