You work out of a Hotel?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
