i don't want you to think of me as your TA
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
