At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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