Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
