I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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