I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
