Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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