this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
