i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
