I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
