My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
