I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
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