Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
