I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Please, let me fuck your mom
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize