I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
