Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i think i have two assholes
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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