even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
