That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
