OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
