Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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