I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
