In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
