In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
