the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
