question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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