im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
