We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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