we're blogging at a bar
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
