I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
