I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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